Last day of school today. I was part of the group of teacher’s assigned with taking the kids out on a field trip. We loaded them into the yellow school buses around 9.30, and I sat upfront with two other teachers while we rode down to Coral Gables where we were to watch A Christmas Carol. And it felt decidedly strange. I was up front, all the kids behind us, and I spoke of scholarly things, we discussed the kids, the school budget, analyzed the current principal and discussed how talented the previous one before her had been. Laughed quietly at our own jokes as the kids hollered and sang old school Michael Jackson songs.

It hit me, at one point, that I was a teacher now. Sitting up front, walled off, different, adult. Never mind my mild hangover from last night’s mojitos. Never mind that once we arrived at the Play House, I snuck off to buy a smoothie and then sat on a couch all the way in the back and nearly snoozed off, trying to catch up on my sleep. I felt weirdly adult, forcibly located in my new realm.

Only to go to ‘game night’ at a new friend’s apartment, and play pictionary and the like with a bunch of mid thirties analysts, investment bankers, real estate financers and a federal prosecutor. And feel young all over again.

Strange how I oscillate from old to young, from too mature and cynical to idealistic and brash. Nothing’s fixed, everything is relative, and sometimes I only feel the most like myself when I’m alone reading a book.