Ok, hold up: I’m watching the LotR, and honestly, the Nazgul are complete wimps. Surely this has been remarked upon before, but why exactly is everybody afraid of them? They’re all style and no substance. They ride around, shriek like they’re having the worst of gas attacks and accomplish nothing.

For example. Right in the beginning. The Hobbits, pre-Aragorn, are running through the Shire to get to Bree where they plan to meet up with Gandalf. FIVE Nazgul are chasing them. At times, the Nazgul actually RIDE AMONG THE HOBBITS, and fail to grab even one. They chase the hobbits to the ferry, where Frodo leaps across the water and lands on the raft. Now, that’s a hobbit sized leap. The Nazgul, in hot pursuit of the ONE RING that will hand mastery over the whole world to Sauron, slams to a stop. For some reason, absolutely beyond me, he refuses to make his horse jump onto the raft and instead decides to reroute along with all his buddies to the bridge some 20 miles away. I mean, COME ON. This is the ONE RING we’re talking about. Can’t he jump in the river? And it’s not even a big jump! Just leap onto the raft, knock the hobbits off, chop them up and grab the ring. Game over, Sauron wins. But no.

And it goes on. That ridiculous scene where the Nazgul slay four beds filled with pillows, stabbing them over and over again until they finally pull back the blankets and get faces full of feathers. Surprise! Not impressive. Thus far, failed to get the one ring due to a fear of getting wet, and slain four beds.

THEN they corner Frodo on Weathertop mountain. So far, so good. All nine of them are there, led by the Witch King. This is it. And then! Aragon leaps in, and defeats all nine of them with a torch and they run screaming like middle school girls. And so it goes. On and on and on. The only time they Nazgul actually accomplish anything is during the very final fight when the Witch King fights for awhile and is then defeated by Merry and the girl who likes Aragorn. Wow!

So, in short: The Nazgul are crap. Crap! Though they wear their robes well. And have cool steeds!