Man, I don’t get any hate mail, ever, but that’s because I am deliciously obscure, an unpublished author who’s fans are personable, friendly, and absolutely in love with my work. BUT–were I arouse the ire of the masses, I would certainly hope that the hate mailers would have read Scalzi’s incisive guidelines before penning their diatribes of loathing.

Why call someone a fucker when you can call them a trepanned lemur? Why call them an ass wipe when you can accuse them of being an enema swilling loris?